


Head VS Heart

by junosdaughter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Aunt Indra, Divorce, F/F, Mom clarke, Mother Complex, Slow Burn, orphan lexa, soft, young lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junosdaughter/pseuds/junosdaughter
Summary: Clarke has a daughter, Madi. They spend summer breaks always in the same beach house.Madi has a summer friend, Lexa.Their families have known each other for years, until Lexa's parents died in a car accident and her aunt Indra became her legal guardian.One day, after their first year in college, something happens.The story is told from Lexa's point of view.





	1. Breathe with the waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first shared writing so please have mercy.  
> Plus, English is not my mother tongue, so I beg for mORE MERCY.  
> The other day I woke up with some pictures in my head and decided to write "something".  
> Well this is it, welcome to one of my rambling thoughts.
> 
> (P.S. I mean no offense to anyone.)

You're looking out the ﬂoor-to-ceiling window of the living room, waiting for Madi to shower after the hours you've spent in the water. Your hair is still damp and your skin itch for the salt under your clothes, as usual you can't wait to scrub it off. The rhythm of the waves lulls you, so in your trance-like state you don't pay attention to the creaky ﬂoor. You've always liked this house better than your aunt's, with little details mirroring Madi's mother’s love for her job.

When you feel her breath on the back of your neck, you stiffen, roughly coming back to reality. The shiver it sends down your spine is powerful, you can feel it in the way your body hair stand on end. Your brain starts working, trying to understand what is happening, but all you manage to do is gasping, the sound of the water still running in the bathroom covered by the loud pounding of your own heart.

As soon as her right hand lands on your stomach, the realization hits you in your guts. Your brain tells you you should say something to stop this because you know it's wrong, but your lungs feel empty and your mouth dry. You don't know what to do, you feel trapped like in a bad dream where your mind is rushing and your body can't answer its plea. You feel the ampliﬁed warmth of the contact and the sensation is shushing your thoughts. You feel the urge to step away because that's what you're supposed to do, to stop whatever this is before it even happens, but you're stuck on your feet.

A strand of her hair falls in the curve where neck meets shoulder, you can see out of the corner of your eye its bright gold ignited by the warm sunset light. You shut your eyes because you know that if you see anything else in this moment, it would haunt you for the rest of the summer. You think maybe it's just a dream and you'll wake up in your bed in a moment. But the feeling is just too real. Instead you clearly hear her taking a deep breath at the base of your hair and releasing the air out of her mouth after a dozen rushed heartbeats, slightly brushing her lips on your sensitive skin. The sensation makes you shudder in every inch of your body.

" _Breathe_ " is the whispered word that makes you realize your lungs were burning for holding air for god knows how long. When you ﬁnally exhale and inhale again, getting to relax some of your muscles, the feeling of her warm hand following the movement of your stomach comes back like a punch in your face. This, whatever it is, feels wrong in your head but your body welcomes it and you hate yourself for it. This contact is unwanted, yet you feel like you need it.

You've counted three steady breaths when you hear a mufﬂed sound coming from the back of the house. You quickly open your eyes and blink a few times just to ﬁnd you're still in Madi's house and nothing in the world has changed, except for everything in your world. The waves keep coming and seagulls keep ﬂying in the orange shaded sky, but you know this place on earth will never be the same as you remember it since your childhood. As soon as you realize your friend is about to come in, you feel her hand moving to your hip before breaking the contact, and you can't help but missing its warmth. And you hate yourself for it. You hear the ﬂoor creaking behind you but you can't ﬁnd the strength to turn and look at her. You're afraid of what you may ﬁnd in those ocean-blue eyes, always so sweet for you but piercing at the same time.

" _Hey, sorry to keep you waiting. I had algae stuck in my hair. You can go now_ " Madi says smiling while drying her hair with a towel. You slowly turn and sigh of relief when you see it's just the two of you in the room. As your eyes land on her face, you look at your friend as if it was the ﬁrst time, unwillingly noticing resemblances with the other person in the house: their hair fall in the same uncontrolled blonde waves, their lips curl in the same welcoming smile. You thank some indeﬁnite goddess for Madi's hazelnut eyes. Feeling the ﬂush in your cheeks and ears, you clear your throat and manage to speak.

" _Uhm, I'm actually not feeling very well, I think I'm going to shower at home and...yeah, lie down for a bit_ ". Her smile falls and you can see a hint of sorrow in her eyes. Since the last thing you want to do is add pain to your friend's heart, you quickly continue " _But I'll text you later and let you know if we're still having movie night_ ". You offer her a little smile then walk towards the door keeping your eyes glued to the ﬂoor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, tell me why.  
> If you DON'T like it, tell me why. (But don't be mean, there's no need)  
> Here in the comments or tumblr: per-aspera-ad-astra-bitch  
> Or just leave, do whatever you want XD


	2. This is "thank you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello peeps!  
> This is how I imagined the second part of the day, so it's a sequel to the first chapter/rambling thought.  
> Enjoy!

The moment you get in the shower, your mind starts dwelling and wandering in places you would've never imagined, as you wash with slightly trembling hands. You've never thought about her this way. She's always been just Madi's mom, the one with the little scar on her chin and the moon tattoo on her shoulder. The one who used to pick the both of you up, after spending the afternoon in a red dusty tennis court trying to get the damn ball back to that boring goatee man, and managed to cheer you up by humming one of your favorite songs, which ended up every time with all car windows down and way too loud singing. The one who used to, and still, draw sketches and designs on the round table in the living room, while listening to all sort of music you can hear despite the earphones.

Madi told you, the ﬁrst minute you met at the beginning of your holiday, that her parents are getting a divorce. You couldn't help but feel a dull pain inside, like a sort of envy mixed with sorry. But you immediately decided that your summer goal would be to make her forget that sad stuff and enjoy her vacation. You wanted to be the best possible friend for Madi.

Now you're afraid you won't be able to achieve that, but not because of you. You didn't do anything wrong, yet there's a voice telling you you actually did, by not stepping away. Even if you didn't initiate the contact, you didn't break it either. Your head told you it was wrong, you're well aware it was, but you just couldn't move away. What happened sure isn't something you could have ever expected, just as the strong and warm sensation you felt at her touch. Everyone who's close to your family knows that you have some issues with physical contact, since after the accident. Heaven knows how hard it was for you to let Gus hold you and kiss you during last Christmas break. This time a part of you didn’t feel the usual need to repulse the touch, though. And the intimacy of it hit you like a freight train.

The annoying voice tells you you should never go into that house ever again, but you’re determined to keep your promise. You won't allow whatever just happened to part you from your friend when she needs you most and to ruin your best time of the year. So you text Madi to conﬁrm the movie marathon and you're pretty conﬁdent when, half an hour later, you walk the few steps to her porch.

" _Lady Alexandria ﬁnally decided to honor us with her presence_ " greet you a pair of sparkling brown eyes.

" _I know you don't like watching movies without my rambling analysis_ " you reply closing the door behind you. A look in the kitchen makes you think (hope, actually) that it will be just the two of you tonight, but the moment you enter the living room, you notice she's sitting on the small couch. While your thoughts drift towards playing it cool, the control you try to impose over your heart is close to useless. It pounds like a drum inside you, not faster but harder than usual. The old wooden ﬂoor creaks under your feet and you realize you’re holding your breath as she turns. There's that sweet smile again, the one that reaches her eyes. You quickly look away because you're afraid they'll open a crack in your paper-like armour, despite the small protection offered by her glasses. As you reach the table and put yours and Madi's favorite chocolate cookies next to other snacks and drinks, all you manage to say to greet her is a hoarse " _Clarke_ ". The harsh way it bounces on your tongue surprises you. God knows how many times you’ve said it in your life, but now it seems like the first time. It feels rough, but the memories it comes with are nothing but endearing.

When you sit on the large couch next to your friend, you notice she's typing at her laptop. As the soundtrack of the first movie fills the room, you force your eyes on the TV. You can’t help but follow her every move out of the corner of your eye though. After a few minutes Madi chuckles and you realize you don’t even remember the main character’s name, nor you have a vague idea of the plot. So you remind yourself that you’re here to have some fun with your friend, and focus your attention back on the TV.

In the middle of the second movie, a mufﬂed ringtone draws your attention, but you don't recognize the music. Madi pulls out the phone from her pocket and asks " _It's dad, do you mind if we pause it?_ " You just nod with your mouth full of popcorn, but nearly choke on it when you see Madi heading out to the terrace. Because you realize you'll be alone with her, again. While you slowly turn to face the TV again, willfully avoiding to look over the other couch, you swallow your bite but your throat feels tight and dry. The awkward silence that fills the air is almost buzzing. She’s stopped typing, you notice. You lean on the coffee table to reach your drink, and the feeling of her stare on you is piercing. As you take a way too big gulp, you see out of the corner of your eyes she’s taking off her glasses. You nearly drown on it when her low voice startles you, breaking the heavy silence.

" _You okay?_ "

You catch a soft note in the words, which somehow get to lighten your sense of unease. What should you say? Answer with a counter question, like “what the hell was that” or “why me”? But you think you don’t have the strength to face the reality of it, whatever it was. So you just look at her and when your eyes meet, you feel sapphire splitting you in two different persons, one that persists in telling you to leave and never come back, and the other that doesn’t say a word but keeps you here. You also feel unveiled, and the one thing you get to say is the truth.

" _I think so_ "

All you get from her are small nods, as she breaks the contact to stare into space. There’s something you can’t quite understand in her expression, like a shadow of melancholy. Before you realize you’re actually speaking your thought out loud, but barely audible, you ask “ _Are you?_ ”. You’re surprised by yourself, and the way she looks at you now tells you you’ve caught her off-guard. She bites her lip and you can see a hundred different shades of blue while she thinks. In the end you see her lips form a sad little smile, and you feel a grip on your heart as she shakes her head.

“ _Look, I didn’t mean to-_ “ she starts saying but the opening terrace door stops her. You hear Madi coming back on the couch, you also feel the cushion movement, but your eyes seem glued to her. You hope to catch the end of the sentence in her eyes, her face, but she’s putting her glasses back on to stare intently at her laptop. The thought of asking her to complete the sentence is compelling, but you know you can’t. You’re not even supposed to have this conversation with her. Yet here you are, next to your friend, with a tangle of questions in your head that most likely will never be answered.

You spend the rest of the evening trying to focus on the last movie. Some sort of shitty love story with poor characters development, and a boat accident where everyone involved gets away uninjured, of course. You feel Madi stiffen on the couch in that scene and you hear the typing stop. They may be both staring at you, looking for some kind of reaction. But over the years you learned to hide the pain, deep down where the cold lies.

You clear your throat to push bad memories away and, in an attempt to ease the sense of discomfort in the room, you say “ _Well, the last one was the worst_ ”. Madi quickly agrees and stands up to put the DVD back in its box, throwing it roughly on the coffee table. You see her masked yawn and realize your body is exhausted just as hers seems to be. So you stretch before standing up, and wish your friend goodnight with a quick hug.

You’re heading towards the front door when you hear her saying “ _Wait, your aunt’s umbrella”_. Your feet stop immediately and your heart nearly follows. You turn after some hurried steps on the creaky floor. You can see little more than her silhouette in the dim light, but her hands are empty. The drum in your ribcage is back, along with the buzzing in your ears. The heat of her body reaches yours, and the voice in your head starts yelling to step back, because you’re too close. But there’s something else, something you try to deny, something you haven’t felt in years, a sort of urge to lean and close the sparkling distance.

“ _I-_ “ she begins in a whisper, but this time her eyes are on the ground. An exhale leaves her mouth as she passes a hand through her hair, looking for words. “ _Thank you. For being here for Madi_ ” she adds eventually, looking in your eyes. You feel a smile coming at your lips, and you let it free. You hope she can see it, because you don’t know what to say. And you realize she must have, the moment you see her lean and leave a soft kiss on your cheek, just a few millimetres away from the corner of your mouth. The feeling of flush covering your face makes you thank the darkness for offering some cover. You didn’t expect the touch, and the movement was so fast you couldn’t either move away or...kiss her back.

In your daze state you barely hear her wishing you goodnight. And “ _'night_ ” is the only rational thing you manage to say before reaching the door and leave, the sensation of her lips still burning on your skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...Thoughts?


	3. After-party (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Madi and Lexa went to a party.  
> This is set in Madi's place, the same night.

You wake up at some point, eyes wide open in the dark room, listening to Madi's steady breathing. You feel hot even though you’re wearing minimum clothes, panties and an old comfy t-shirt sticking at your back. Your mouth is dry like a desert and a bad taste lingers on your tongue. No chance of falling asleep in this condition, so you slowly get out of bed, careful not to wake your friend up, and head to the bathroom. After refreshing your face and mouth, you decide to wander a little on the terrace, looking for a bit of fresher air. As soon as you silently unlock and slide the door open, your eyes go up. Billions of stars shine in the dark sky and stare back at you, creating patterns you could trace blindfolded. You couldn't say how many times during the last years you've looked up with tears blurring your eyes, tired of crying and hoping to recognize the two stars that were taken from you too damn early. When you couldn't stop crying at night, your aunt used to sit with you in front of a window and point at constellations, which you started looking for in your school books. Now you can't but be grateful to her, helping overcome that unbearable pain and instilling the passion for universe you decided to pursue in college.

Once you can no longer spot the Big Dipper because of clouds, you head back towards Laura's room. Before entering, though, you notice that the last door in the hallway is half open. Your feet keep you going even if your head is telling you to stop. When you reach the door, you take a deep breath, hush the lame voice and slowly push the doorknob. The ﬁrst thing you see in the dim light is the window curtain moving in a weak wisp of wind. Your eyes follow it's waves and your heart starts pounding louder when you spot the sheet pushed at the end of the mattress. What you see next freezes your thoughts and you hate your body for the strange warmth you feel inside. She’s lying on her stomach, wearing no more clothes than you do, with light waves of hair covering her shoulders. You think someone should paint her like this, so in your head you trace the proﬁle of her body with a slight movement of your free hand. You ﬁnd yourself trying to breath at the same slow rhythm of her ribcage, but your racing heart asks for more. After a couple minutes or a couple hours, you can't say, you see her leg move and her back arch. You should move, you want to run away, but you're stuck. Your mind tells you to leave the damn doorknob and step back, instead your grip tightens and you hate yourself for it. You also pray. You pray she won't wake up and ﬁnd you here, on the doorstep of her bedroom, staring at her while sleeping. You know that if she sees you like this, you'll forever be Madi's creepy friend in her eyes and you don't want her to keep this memory of you.

When you see her head slowly turning towards the door, the heat of your body becomes ice. Her sleepy eyes ﬁnd yours and you heart stops. You can't breath. You know you're screwed. The moment your ears start buzzing and you think you're ﬁnally going to faint, you clearly hear her husky voice saying " _Hey_ ". Your eyes focus again, against your will, and you see her turn to lie on her side and pat the mattress in front of her.

Oh.

No.

No way you're going in there. You're going to close the door and go back to sleep in Madi's room. That's what you're supposed to do, the lame voice in your head tells you, more and more distant. But you remember the warm feeling of her hand on you, the way you felt it soothe some sort of knot you didn’t know you had inside. Now you can feel it again, an icy sensation just above your belly button. You crave that contact and you hate yourself for it, because you know it’s wrong. But you take a step anyway and the hint of a smile tucks the corner of her mouth. The few steps that separate you from the bed seem like a mile, from how slowly your legs move.

As soon as your knee hit the mattress, you force yourself to think that this is like being in Madi’s bed, except she's not your friend. You've known her since you can remember but you don't really know her, her past, her dreams, her fears. When you lay your head on the free pillow, facing her but leaving some space between your bodies, you look for something to say, to justify your presence on her doorstep. But no word comes out of your mouth. Your body stiffens inadvertently when she brings a hand to lead a strand of hair behind your ear. You weren't expecting any contact, but when you feel it linger on your cheek, the warm sensation you've felt the ﬁrst time is back.

" _What is it?_ " she asks and you hate yourself for loving the raspy note in her sleepy voice. You think of a thousand different things to say, from "I don't know how to behave with you" to "I didn't mean to stare while you were sleeping".  Eventually you manage to gather some saliva, clear your throat and say " _I miss them_ ". You don’t know why you said it, but you’ve read somewhere that you shouldn’t question your subconscious. You watch as a hint of sorrow clouds her eyes for a second and you feel a familiar sting in your own eyes. You wish you could hold it back but as your chin starts trembling, you let the tears blur her face. Your body is shaking in sobs and you don't ﬁght when her arm wraps around your shoulders, pulling you in a gentle hug. Your knees touch when you move closer and rest your forehead against her chest. God, her scent. It's so familiar you could recognize it in a crowded place, but you've never experienced it like this. It feels intimate, but the sense of unease you were expecting to freeze you doesn’t come.

You couldn't say how long you stay like this, and you really don't care because you feel safe and special. But also tired and ashamed. Her slow breath lulls you, the contact soothes the pain inside you with its warmth. Once you have no more energy to cry, you realize your face is a mess of tears and snot, which you try to contain by snifﬂing. You feel your cheeks start burning in shame, trying to ﬁnd a way to wipe your face, but before you can reach the hem of your shirt, she turns on her back and you immediately miss the soft touch. And you hate yourself for it. A second later a tissue is hanging in front of your face. You get to whisper a hoarse " _Thanks_ " and ﬁnally dry the mess you couldn't hold back. When you look at her later, softness is the only thing you see in the unknown universe of her eyes. You don't know what to say, what to do. Should you leave and forget this moment of weakness, if you can call it that? Should you explain how bad you feel every once in a while, a crushing pain you think one day or another will deny you your breath? Should you tell her the way you feel whenever she touches you, the warmth she spreads against the cold that lies inside you?

Should you speak at all?

Even if you wanted to, you're so tired you can barely keep your eyes open, let alone form reasonable sentences. The last thing you see is a sweet little smile, the last thing you hear is a murmured " _It's okay. I got you_ ", the last thing you feel is her lips on your forehead and her arm wrapped again around your shoulders, pulling you close the warm skin of her neck.


	4. After party (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> This chapter is a sort of sequel to the previous one + a "last night" memory.  
> I know it's short but this day is not over yet.  
> Enjoy!

The sensation of a light touch on your shoulder makes you leave your dream unﬁnished. As usual you can't remember what it was about, but you know it was good because the cold in your guts is barely present. Another touch, slightly closer to your neck, makes you realize there's light beyond your puffy lids. As your body slowly awakens, you feel your mouth dry and your body hot, but you're pretty sure you didn't cover yourself with bedsheets last night.

Yeah, last night was fun, until Laura decided to challenge the boy who was hitting on her with tequila shots. In the meantime you just sipped a couple of beers, because you know the way your body reacts to alcohol. You didn't like that boy, nor the one that tried so hard to take you upstairs “to speak away from the noise”, so you wanted to stay sober. In fact you're the one who pulled Madi's phone out of her purse and pressed the unfamiliar button to call "Mom", asking to pick you up at the party. Her voice sounded a bit tired, and you felt bad for asking her, but Madi had too much to drink to walk back home as planned.

When you ﬁnally were sitting in the back of the jeep, with your friend laughing about something you couldn't catch, you felt a sort of relief spread in your body. Crowded places and loud music aren't really your thing, all that bumping into stranger bodies and the need to yell over the deafening noise to be heard. With the wind blowing in your hair, you tilted your head back and closed your eyes, enjoying the sensation of freedom. The song on the radio sounded familiar, maybe an old one by Coldplay, but the volume was too low against the wind in your ears.

When your eyes opened after a few moments, you caught a glare in the rear mirror. She was looking at you, driving slowly in the empty streets. You noticed Madi had fallen asleep in the front seat, so you took a deep breath and stared back. She was chewing gum, so you couldn’t help but glance down at her slightly parted lips. The movement of her jaw put your mind in a hypnotic state. You felt a little numb for the few drinks you had before, but you know the heat inside you wasn't caused entirely by alcohol.

As the car pulled up in the driveway, you gathered yourself and helped Madi get inside the house and into bed. With your pajamas ﬁnally on, you waited outside the bathroom leaning on the opposite wall, eager to wash that taste off your mouth. When she eventually opened the door, both of you stood still in the dim light for a bit, studying each other. Your mind was slower, but the memory of the last time you were facing her in the dark was clear as day. Unconsciously waiting for her move, you felt empty and cold when a low " _Good night_ " promised to part you for the rest of the night. And you hated yourself for it. 

Now you try to open your eyes and you have to blink a few times to bring the room into focus, but there are no posters on the wall you’re facing. The lamp on the nightstand is too minimal for Madi's taste. The size of empty mattress in front of you is too large for you to be in Madi’s queen bed. Your mind slowly begins to remember and the realization hits you like a kick in your stomach. This isn't your friend's room. You aren’t supposed to be here.

Did you really spend the rest of the night in her bed? With her? You force your body to wake up and you realize that the hot sensation you’re feeling is due to a renewed contact, her calf intertwined with yours and her hand resting on your hip. A distant voice yells inside your head that you have to get out of here as fast as you can. What if Madi wakes up and sees the both of you like this? Another peck, this time on your bare skin, makes you gasp. Although you try hard to deny it since the other day, you enjoy the soft touch of her lips. Even if there's no beard stinging, it still gets to give you goosebumps. And you hate your body for it, because you know this is wrong. But how bad can it be if it feels so, so good? You’ve never experienced this kind of contact before, in fact you’ve never slept with anyone but your friends. Then you hear her murmur your name, you can feel the hot puff in your ear. And it's so sweet you have to gather all of your willpower to move.

Fear is what makes you leave the warm and comfortable spot in her bed, fear of being caught doing something your head tells you to run from but your heart embraces blindfolded. You untangle your bodies as gently as you can, trying not to seem in a hurry. She doesn’t hold you and deep down you feel grateful, because you’re not sure you would been able to leave the safe place in her arms if she did. As you reach the door, you gather the strength and turn to look at her. There isn’t a hint of guilt nor regret in her eyes and you feel your persons sighing of relief and screaming in anger. You know you have to get back to Madi’s room, but it seems like your feet have no intention of leaving this place. Once she touches you, she’s like a magnet and you become a bare and helpless body that can’t escape her pull. You need to leave, but you want her to know that you’re grateful for the comfort she offered you. Only hoarse words would come out of your dry throat, so you do the one thing you can when you don’t know what to say. You hope she notices the little smile that comes at your lips, and your heart sprints as a smirk on her face makes you realize she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The song on the radio is "Yellow")


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is the previous chapter's sequel (another, sorry!).  
> Apparently Clarke is a good swimmer

It’s been at least an hour since you lied down next to Madi. Neither the lowering of the mattress nor the movement of bedsheets woke her up. Despite the lack of reaction, you know she’s fine because of the rhythmic motion of her breathing. Since it’s still early, you tried to rest in every position you know, but sleep doesn’t come. So you give up and leave the bed as quietly as you got back in. Madi groans and you stop, waiting for another sign. She gives none so you think she must be dreaming. When you silently enter the living room, your eyes scan the place looking for a blonde mane but nobody’s here. The only sound in the room are birds chirping and faint waves, coming from outside. Only now you notice the slightly open terrace door and your feet guide you in the dawning light.

The fresh air on your skin is a gift, just like a hot shower after a freezing winter day. Early risers are already running on the beach, eager to shush their worries with physical exhaustion. You watch their movements and try to guess what kind of life they’re going through, what secrets they may hide under the facade. You’re so focused on feeding your fantasy that you almost didn’t notice the little figure swimming in the undoubtedly cold water, further than a couple hundred metres away from the shore. In that moment you understand how much a stranger in the crowd can mean to somebody, how that same person can be the source of happiness, pride, sadness or anger to someone else. You might meet tens, hundreds of people a day and share a glance, a smile or a curse without even being able to catch a glimpse of the universe hidden behind their eyes. And now here you are, observing a person you’ve been around since you can remember but whose world you’ve never bothered to explore. The feeling of diving into it overwhelms you, its intensity something you’ve never experienced before.

You watch as she gets out of the water and walks to the house. Looking at her now, you see things you’ve never paid attention to. Her skin isn’t as tense on her muscles as you think it once was, which gives her an overall soft look. You’re pretty sure you’ll never reach her breast size, and you wonder whether it was always like this or it grew with the pregnancy. Her knees bend differently, has she ever been involved in some kind of accident? Everyone around you avoids the matter, after they’ve spent years trying to pull words out of your mouth, urged you to express feelings you couldn’t even believe you were able to perceive. She never did so though. In fact she’s the one who never asked anything about that dreadful day and you’re grateful for that. Because she has never pushed you, you trust her and feel like you could talk about it with her. As she passes a hand through her hair, you notice the bright reflection of her ring in the first sunbeams. You’ve always seen her wearing it and have a vague idea of the symbol, but what does it mean to her?

You’re not sure your mind is clear enough to deal with all this, so as she begins to walk up the stairs from the beach you get back inside and lay on the couch. The old floor creaks under her feet and you watch breathless as her damp silhouette disappears in the bathroom, because you don’t want her to spot you. If you wouldn’t seem a creep, you would spend days watching her, and the fact that you didn’t in all these years makes you feel unprepared. The sound of the current water in the shower leads you in a sort of daydreaming state. As soon as you realize you’ve tried to imagine her in there for the last few minutes, you feel ashamed for picturing such intimate shapes. The only way to stop your restless mind is to move. A sweet scent drives you to the kitchen, where you spot the already full coffee pot. A low “ _Thank heaven_ ” leaves your mouth while you place three mugs on the counter and start filling one for yourself. You almost drop the pot when a muffled giggle behind you breaks the silence of the room, so close you can’t believe you didn’t hear her coming in. Trying to pull yourself together, you take a deep breath and clear your throat, then ask “ _Coffee?_ ”

“ _Yes please. And I take that as a compliment_ ” she replies as you turn and hand her the mug. You try to cover the flush coming at your face by sipping at your coffee, but it’s so hard to remain impassive when’s giving you that gentle smile. Your lips imitate hers and your body follows, leaning back on the counter to face her. At first you stare at the floor, not sure what to do or what to say. You see her bare feet only a few inches from yours and you can’t keep your eyes from wandering. She’s wearing a mid-thigh tank top and her hair is still a little wet. You take a picture in your head, because it looks like she just came out of a painting, with all the little flaws that make her nothing less than beautiful. The tiny leaf pendant of her necklace rests at the top of her cleavage and as a little peak catches your eyes, you quickly move your gaze to her face. She’s looking at you with tilted head and teeth chewing at her lip, but her eyes aren’t fixed on yours. She’s studying you too, so she may haven’t noticed. Her eyes are so bright, yet there’s a sort of dark shade in the usually light sapphire. Every time her gaze moves, you feel like a new portion of your skin is burning. It’s so intense she may be seeing under your clothes. The moment your eyes meet, you swear she can see right through you, thoughts unveiled and soul exposed. You try to hold her stare for a while, but it’s so piercing it almost hurts inside. While you’re feeling more than naked, her eyes give nothing away, shutting you out.

A second before your vision becomes blurred with tears, you break the now unbearable contact. Exhaling a shaky breath, you stare at your coffee and you wish you could drown in it. You feel like you want to ask her what the hell is going on, what is the meaning of this, if there is one. If she knows the effect she has over you, how hard you’re trying to stay on the edge of the cliff while she keeps pushing you little by little, how hard you’re trying to outrun that unconscious and sharp feeling you get every time she’s around, as if that is the time you’re finally going to let go and fall. Most of all, you want to ask her what to do, if you should follow the voice telling you to put an end to this or the instinct that makes you enjoy her closeness. But at the same time you know you aren’t good with words and that they would probably mess up whatever this is even more.

So you come up with only one thing to ask right now, which is what she is thinking about behind those dark eyes. “ _Clarke-_ ” you start but her movement blocks the words in your throat. Her mug lies now on the counter in the middle of the kitchen. She takes a step forward and you dare to look back in her eyes. The shadow is gone but she’s so close you can feel her breath on your skin. There it is again, the numb feeling that clouds your mind. You’re surprised the mug is still intact in your grip, the only thing you can hang onto right now. The warmth of her fingers grazing your hand feels like the game you’ve played a hundred times, sliding it in the flame of a candle, trying in vain to seize it. Blood is buzzing so loud in your ears you may not be able to hear her speaking, so you scan her face looking for any movement. Her lips part a little and you can’t help but focus on them and the little mole just above them. She must be doing the same, because you feel the heat of her hand resting on your cheek and her thumb tracing the line of your lips. It’s barely there, yet you can’t feel anything else. It feels like your whole body is confined to the bit of skin she touches, every time.

Is this the time you’re going to fall?

A distant ringtone saves you the jump. Relief and frustration hit you hard the moment she breaks the touch, and you instantly miss her warmth. She takes a deep breath before leaving the room, your eyes following her. “ _Hey Raven_ ” are the words that make you realize she picked up the phone, despite the ringtone that keeps playing in your head. You feel a knot in your chest and try to relieve it with some steady breaths. The kitchen seems too bright now, so you pour the rest of the coffee in the sink and fill a glass of water. On your way to the bathroom, you see she’s at the dining table with her laptop, still on the phone. You remember where the pills are, so you take a couple and silently open the door of Madi’s bedroom. Now she’s sitting on the bed but her eyes are still closed. A barely audible but hoarse “ _Head_ ” is her greeting, but you’re ready and place the pills in one hand and the glass in the other. After drinking all of the water in a few gulps, Madi manages to splutter her gratitude and lies down again, ready to go back to sleep. You take the chance to get dressed and gather your things. You try to slip out as quietly as you came in, and once you’re in the hallway, you take a last look in the living room. She’s still talking with this Raven in some technical language you don’t understand. You don’t want to bother but you don’t want to leave without saying goodbye either. So you try to clear your throat in the most quiet way possible, and surprisingly she notices your presence. The few swift steps she takes towards you don’t give you enough time to prepare for the new contact, as if you ever could. This time the kiss lands just under your cheekbone and you couldn’t return it, again. You would kick yourself for seeming so impolite, but deep down you hope she knows this isn’t rudeness. All you can do, for now, is smile back and wave your hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about it?


	6. The dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey!  
> Here we are again.  
> The title speaks for itself so...  
> Enjoy!

You’ve worked all afternoon in the kitchen to help your aunt. When she told you she wanted to have Madi over for dinner, before she leaves to spend the rest of summer break with her dad, you immediately thought of a plausible reason to prevent an undoubtedly awkward evening, but came up with nothing. Despite everything that happened, she’s still one of your best friends and you won’t let those moments ruin your relationship. The thought of waiting until next summer to see her again made you upset enough to want to do your best and help make it a pleasant night. 

You're ﬁnishing setting the table, humming the song on the radio playing in the kitchen, when a ring at the door gets you out of your own world. You head for the entry and glance one last time at the mirror in the hallway.

Okay, play it cool.

After wiping a little sweaty palms on the back of your pants, you reach for the doorknob and pull. The tight hug that Madi wraps you in brings out a smile on your face. Before she disappears in the kitchen you hear her approving the delicious aroma coming from the room. When you turn and see the smile in Clarke’s eyes, the warmth inside you reaches your cheeks.

“ _Lexa_ ” she greets you handing a bag with some wine bottles and leans to give a peck on your cheek.

“ _Hi Clarke. Thanks_ ” This time you see it coming and you're ready to kiss her back, finally. It isn't the ﬁrst time, but now it feels like your body is sharply aware of its surrounding. Her perfume is sweet as usual but with something new in it, like a frisky hint of wild, and her skin is smoother than you remember.

Once you’re all seated at the round table, Indra pours wine for everyone and raises her glass for a toast. " _I’m glad we got to spend another summer together, and I hope it won’t be the last. God knows where the two of you will go on vacation next year, with a bunch of new friends we’ll probably worry about for no reason. I see how deep and strong your friendship is and I wish you’ll never let anything ruin it, because let me tell you, it’s priceless. To those who are special to us_.” You all repeat the words and raise your glasses. You meet her eyes for a second before Madi crushes your bones in a new hug and whispers “ _Love you_ ”, which you return with the same genuine intensity. When you part, you notice they’re looking at both of you with fond smiles. A moment later everyone is filling their plates and the dinner goes on with safe chatting.

\--------------------------------------

You're chilling on the terrace, hearing your aunt and Madi speaking in their lawyer jargon while watching TV. The waves keep coming and going in front of you, offering a rhythm you ﬁnd yourself trying to follow in the movement of your ribcage. For a second you see a little light out of the corner of your eye and when you turn, you almost jump out of your skin. She's lighting a cigarette and you didn't hear her coming outside, nor standing next to you, so caught up in the lull.

Are you constantly in a rȇverie state these days or has her step become a lot lighter?

The little giggle and " _Sorry_ " that leave her mouth make you chuckle and go back to staring at the sea. You realize your attempt to even your breathing with the waves is replaced by the attention you're paying to _her_ breathing. You don’t need to look to know the way she hold the cigarette between her fingers, how she lowers her jaw to take the smoke in her mouth. You've seen her doing it a million times. But the sharp breath she takes every drag, right when the burning dims, to take the smoke as deep as she can, is like a new discovery. You suddenly feel the impulse to do the same, to feel what she feels. When she speaks after some time, a minute or ten you don't know, " _Gorgeous, isn't it?_ " you look at her. She’s staring into distance, the thin blue ring of her eyes is visible even in the dark, trying hard to contain the pupils. You think about saying yes, it's the only thing that gets to give you some peace, but you're not sure about its privilege anymore.

Now she's looking at you and you feel you're losing the power over your mind and body, again. So you point at her cigarette and start " _Can I-_ ", but you don't need to ﬁnish, because she’s already handing it over. You carefully take it between your ﬁngers, after all this is only the third time you've taken a drag. So when you try to deeply inhale the smoke, it burns in your chest and, as you quickly let it out, you can't hold the few coughs that threaten to choke you. You think you've had enough for at least a few months and give back the now nearly ﬁnished cigarette. She's smiling and you can't help the shame ﬂush rising in your face. You see her take another incredibly long drag as you're turning to look again at the black sky. But she stops your movement by putting a hand on your hip. Your hand grips tight on the rail and your mind goes blank. Your heart starts pounding fast as a running horse and hard as an angry rhino, spreading heat all over inside, when you see her leaning. All you manage to do is gasp, looking for the strength to say something, literally anything to stop her because she’s so close, again, and they could come out any second. But deep down you know this is not the time for words, it hasn't been since the ﬁrst time she touched you that way. Nothing comes out of your mouth other than shaky breaths, now a useless tool at the service of a numbed mind, no words processing. Her hand slides at the base of your back, pulling you closer until your faces are mere inches apart. You hope she doesn’t notice the shadow of scare in your eyes, because you unconsciously don’t want her to break the contact. You know you’re not in danger, yet you feel like an animal backed into a corner.

You're taken aback when she slightly opens her mouth and starts exhaling the smoke on your lips. It’s the instinct you follow as you start taking it in, shutting down any rational thought. You wait for the burning sensation in your lungs but you can barely feel it at all. The sensation of her warm breath loosing the knots inside fills you like the sweetest fluid. Once you feel like you can’t take any more air and stop inhaling, she pulls a few centimetres away and places her other hand under your chin. Your mind is too fuzzy to process what you think you see in her dark eyes, or you tell yourself so because you don’t want to recognize it for what it is.

Is this the time you’re going to fall?

A little pressure of her fingers makes you close your mouth, but the need to clear your lungs is too urgent. The only thing you can do is let the tepid smoke out from your nose, slowly, because you remember how it hurt the last time you did. You’re surprised when the pain doesn’t come though, replaced by an almost soothing sensation. Before you manage to take a new clean breath, undoubtedly filled with her scent, the dull dizziness you’re gasping in reaches a new high when you feel the light brush of her lips on your jaw. Despite the fresh night air, you feel a fire spreading in your stomach. A further pressure of her hand force your head to tilt back. With your neck exposed, the trap feeling now is almost unbearable, but the urge to step away is silenced by the sensation of abandon you find yourself drowning in. The next kiss she gives lingers on the pulsing spot of your neck and your blood feels like thick lava. God, the goosebumps. It’s like an equally numbing and thrilling juice is poured under your skin. You think you’re going to faint because you can’t breathe, the oxygen stolen by the burning sensation of the contact.

A remote voice coming from the house slowly brings the both of you back to reality. Was it Indra or Madi? What did she say? The moment she steps back, you open your eyes and search a hint in hers. They’re still shaded though, guarding something she doesn’t want you to see. You immediately miss the warm touch of her lips and hands, and you feel bad for it. As she turns and heads back inside, you’re torn between the instinct to take her hand, begging her to stop leaving you like this, and the bitter awareness of reality. But the memory of Indra’s speech keep you from touching her. All you can do is take a second to steady your racing heart, then follow her into the house.

The moment you close the door of the bathroom, you grab onto the sink and take a few deep breaths to relax. You plash some cold water on your face and rinse your mouth, remembering the only time Indra smelled smoke in your breath and the harsh scolding that followed. The picture of her finding you and Clarke sharing a cigarette sends a shiver down your spine, and you block your mind before it starts wondering about the other moments you two shared. Once you think that the blush of your face can be blamed on the wine, you go back and join Madi on the couch, who’s laughing at some kind of talk show on TV. Your aunt and Clarke are sipping some brown liquor, talking quietly about a legal matter of her divorce.

How does she do it? Acting like nothing happened?

If she doesn’t bother to glance in your direction, you can’t take your eyes off her. Every little gulp she takes, you find yourself swallowing nothing but the idea of the liquor. You remember how it burned your throat the only time you decided to try it, while Indra was running some errand. It made your eyes watery, but she doesn’t flinch one bit. Now you wonder if she enjoys the feeling of the heat burning inside, the way it hurts at first but then gets to release the tension. You wonder if her body is always that warm, or if it’s just you that perceive it in an intensified way. And if so, you wonder why.

You can tell Madi is feeling uncomfortable about their conversation because the TV volume is gradually rising. You’ve rarely seen it, but they put on the exact same scowl, crossing their arms and biting their tongue. And despite the circumstances, you can’t help but find the sight endearing. She didn’t tell you the reason why their parents are breaking up after all these years, you asked only once and didn’t insist, but she’s clearly annoyed by their decision. They seemed the perfect family to you, in the few years that you felt like you had been left alone in the world, so you obviously feel bad for them. Envy was consuming you little by little despite all the times Madi tried to involve you more in their lives, until Clarke started taking care of you as if you were more than Madi’s friend, something close to a sister. Since then, she treated the both of you as equals, offering a kind of affection you hang onto and that lead you out of your frozen shell. Your aunt and Clarke saved you from something that looked more and more like rough surviving. 

Even if you feel so confused right now, you try to distract Madi with some silly comments about the talk show. You also lean more on her, to let her know that you’re there if she needs you. 

“ _I met with Murphy, by the way_ ” she eventually says. Your mind starts thinking about who that might be, but she must notice the bewildered look on your face because she adds “ _The guy from the party!_ ” You barely repress a groan at the memory of the guy, surprised that Madi decided to see him again. But you’re not really in any position to judge your friend’s taste in men. “ _Oh. And?_ ” Now she’s looking at you with a little smile you’ve seen before, and you know what it means. “ _I’m just going to say that he’s not that bad when his brain is fuelled by oxygen instead of alcohol_ ”. The only thing that keeps you from asking how many layers of smugness she had to drill in order to find anything good in that boy is the thought of Madi’s upcoming departure. Before you can think of something more diplomatic to say, Clarke finishes her drink and stands up.

“ _I would stay here all night listening to your fabulous recipes but we still have to get some things ready. Baby you coming?_ ” Madi and you stand at once. Your body moved without a rational command and when you realize it, it’s too late to stop. You quickly try to disguise it with a hasty hug to your friend, but they don’t seem to notice. “ _See you tomorrow morning. Don’t be late, planes don’t wait_ ” Madi tells you before squeezing your aunt in a tight hug. You see her stiffen a little, you know she’s not much of a physical contact fan. Madi knows too but that’s just how she shows her love. And you think you know where she gets it.

“ _I never am_ ” you say too quiet for them to hear. You feel her eyes on you while they thank Indra one more time, but you don’t walk up to her. Not this time. Instead you wish them goodnight and, when you hear the door shut, you get in the kitchen to finish loading the dishes. “ _’night_ ” you tell your aunt on your way to the bedroom, a few minutes later. The moment you land on your bed, headphones are already on and music is clearing your head. You let it lull your whole being to the break of sleep, where you only manage to take off your clothes before rising in the world of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geeeez I had a hard time finishing this one.  
> I have an entire movie of this story in my head, but putting it into words is a struggle. UGH  
> I promise The Moment is near!
> 
> (At the end I imagine "Strong" by London Grammar)


	7. Bye Madi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geez guys, I'm sorry! It has been a hell of a time lately.   
> This chapter is quite short, I know, but I'm still writing the second part.  
> Thank you for your feedback and kind messages!

You can’t see your feet but you feel sand between your toes. You can barely spot your hands in the darkness that surrounds you. Every movement is slowed, as if you were under water. You see nothing around you, so your eyes go up to meet the only source of light. But when you see the silver surface of the sea between you and the bright glow of the sun, panic shakes your body. Your legs move and try to jump, but every time you slowly come back down. Only when the sound of your gasping reaches your ears you realize you’re not choking on water, actually thick air is filling your lungs. The tension in your guts slightly looses its grip at the realization, but you still can’t reach the surface. Your eyes scan the water around one more time, until you hear a feeble sound somewhere. It plays over and over again, louder by the second. You think you know the music, but you still can’t spot the source. Soon the light cuts through the darkness, letting you see your naked body. Only then, with the sunbeams touching your skin, you perceive the cold sensation that is binding you to the bottom. The longer the light warms you though, the lighter you feel. When you finally look up, ready to climb out of this emptiness, you see the sun growing bigger, spreading its dazzling glare as it comes closer. The moment it plunges into the water, you shut your eyes but your legs move involuntarily and cast you towards the fire globe.

A jerk of your whole body makes your eyes snap open. The low light that spills in through the window defines familiar shapes, a precarious pile of books on the desk and the glowing galaxies poster. There’s no water around you other than your own sweat. You eagerly breathe in the clean air in the room to ease the tension in your body. There’s still that tedious sound from the dream, now you recognize the music of your summer alarm. As you shift to turn it off, the back of your hand hits the nightstand and you can't repress a groan. You rub it for a while but the pain doesn’t seem to fade, so you pad to the bathroom and put it under cold water. Geez, the dark circles on the face that stares back from the mirror make you look like a drug addict going through withdrawal, whereas you had a fair amount of sleep hours.

A quick cool shower gets to wake you up a little more, but you pin your hope on the power of an intense coffee. While waiting for it to brew, you grab your latest book and sit on the counter. Half a page is all you manage to read before images of last night crowd your head. Eyes fixed on the same few words, you relive those moments in your head. From the times at the table that you saw her look away after staring a bit too long, to the startling intimacy in your recharging solitude. You remember every response of your body to hers and a rush of shame slaps you. You wish she wouldn’t affect you this way, but you can’t do anything about it. And this lack of control makes you kind of desperate. Since it seems that you have zero power over your own body when she steps too close, the only rational decision you can take is not being around her, or at least keep your interactions to a minimum. And with Madi gone, it sure will be easier.

Half an hour later you’re closing the door behind you. The first rays of sunshine filter through the trees along the street and birds sing at the new day. You could take the walk to Madi’s house blindfolded and backwards, knowing by heart how many steps you can take before moving a bit to the left to avoid Mrs Thompson’s sprinkler, then a little to the right to bypass the stretch of bumpy pavement, which branches of fig trees in Mr Kalua’s garden you can steal some fruits from without his dogs noticing you. You see there are a few ripe ones on the branches overhanging the sidewalk, probably unseen from the house, so you stop. They love them just as you do, so why not? There’s no person or dog around. You carefully climb the fence and pick a few leaves to create a sort of basket. But a handful of fruits is all you get to take before a sound from the porch makes you jump off the low wall. One of your shoes slips though, and before you can grip on a branch with your free hand, a huff of air leaves your lungs as you hit the ground, scratching your leg and arm on the stony pavement in the attempt to save your loot. The wave of pain makes your eyes burn, but barks and growls from the garden force you to stand and walk away.

_Nice job, Lexa_ you think, limping and taking deep breaths to steady yourself while blood oozes from the fresh bruises. There’s no time to go home, treat them and come back, so you just knock at your friend’s door and try not to think of the pounding pain. Messy golden hair and stormy blue eyes greet you and you can’t stop your mind from going back to last night and their darkened version. _Reduce eye contact_ you remember yourself the second you feel blushing coming at your ears. A croaky “ _Hi_ ” comes out of your mouth, but it sounds so awry you clear your throat and repeat the word louder, showing her your gift. Despite Madi’s curses in the background for something she can’t find, and you know how much her mother hates to hear her talking like that, Clarke smiles at you. But as soon as her gaze drop to your legs, past the leaves basket, she raises an eyebrow.

“ _Morning, sunshine. Didn’t know you were a parkour fan_ ” she says, moving aside to let you in. “ _Actually I fought a horde of dogs to get these_ ” you tell her to see if the amused smirk on her face falters. Which doesn’t, of course. “ _I just fell like an idiot_ ” you admit and put the loot on the kitchen counter. “ _I appreciate the sacrifice. You’re sweet_ ”. She grabs your arm to examine the scratch on the side of your elbow. You tell her you’re fine but she squats anyway, checking the other bruise on your thigh. “ _Just rinse them with some water for now. As soon as we come back from the airport I’ll treat them properly though_ ” You start rambling that it’s not necessary, that you can barely feel the pain at all - which is the exact opposite of the truth.

A loud “ _Fuck!_ ” echoes in the house and this time you see a shadow of annoyance passing over her face. The look she gives you as she places a clean cloth in your hand prevent you from any debating, so you shut your mouth and go to the sink. Stomping down the hallway, you hear her warning your friend with a forced calm voice “ _Madison, for the last time, watch your language_ ”

“ _I can’t find my earphones!_ ” is the pissed answer. They keep arguing while you pack your bruises until the blood stream stops. When you hear them fighting you usually step away because it bothers you in a sad way. Every time you try and think of something to say to put an end to their arguments, for you hate to see rage against each other in their eyes, but in the end you just zone out. Because it’s actually none of your business and you’re scared that someday, even if you think they would never, they may speak out the stinging thought that always cut you off, _what do you actually know about mother-daughter relationship?_ Now though you see there’s only a few minutes left before you have to drive to the airport, so you take courage and head for Madi’s room to see if you can help. A white tangle in the keys bowl on the little table in the hallway makes you do a double take.

The moment you step in the room holding the earphones like a white flag, they both turn and stop bickering. Madi’s eyes drop to your arm and a smile tugs at her lips. “ _What kind of monster did you have to fight to claim them?_ ” she asks you, putting the last few things in her bag. You just shrug, answering her with a smile. You'll leave the latest episode of your clumsiness for later.

“ _Come on, we have one minute to enjoy Mr Kalua’s goodbye gift_ ” Clarke says and you don’t miss the little grin on her lips or the wink she gives you as she heads for the kitchen. Figs sweet pulp tops your peace offer. You taste its tenderness as you watch them bite eagerly on the fruits, licking the purple juice off their fingers. You’ve always liked to watch people eating, sure that somehow it shows a part of their personality. And now seeing their same pleased expression fills you with cheerful relief. It hurt, but it was worth it.

The ride is a list of Clarke’s “ _Did you take…?_ ” and Madi’s increasingly grunting “ _Yeah_ ”. After two or three rounds of the parking lot, the three of you stand under the departures board. You stare longer than needed, as if you’re still looking for the information you found immediately. In your head images of what might happen now sway, and the only thing that gets you out of the swirl is someone’s bag bumping into you.

“ _Okay_ ” Madi sighs and turn to squeeze you in a long, bone cracking hug. As usual you repeat the word, your non-agreed way of saying goodbye. You try to convey your inner emotional chaos in the intensity of the hug, hanging onto your friend, because this time more than others you don’t want her to leave. She hugs her mother next and you can’t help but smile at the unusual sight. You’re taken aback though, when an arm reaches for your shirt and pulls you in a group hug. The sudden closeness makes you hesitate, but eventually you wrap your arm around Madi, not knowing what to do with the part of your body pressed against Clarke. But the moment you feel her arm on your back you’re glad none of them can see your face. You force your mind to focus on the moment and chase away every other memory, finally returning the contact. It isn’t the first time you’ve held each other, yet you perceive her under your fingers in a new way, soft and firm at once. With her head between yours and Clarke’s, Madi asks “ _Look after her for me, yeah?_ ” and you’re not sure who she’s talking to. Neither of you says a word, but when she ends the contact you see Clarke’s smile out of the corner of your eye, so you do your best to mirror her reassuring expression. As you watch her walk away though, a mix of unease and relief spread through you. Your eyes keep staring at the corner behind which Madi disappears after her security check, with the heat that spreads from the body standing next to you reminding you that it’s just the two of you now.


End file.
